April 2013
4 posts
A Musing Thoughts
Remember the cartoons with a little angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? Writing is a lot like that.
The angel is easy. I call her Mel, after one of the 9 original muses, and she will sporadically plonk herself down on my shoulder and ram a tale into my ear. Sometimes she whispers, sometimes she screams loud enough to wake the dead. Sometimes it is a short burst of inspiration,...
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world....”
– L.R.Knost (via hopefullyraw)
Doing both is infinitely better.
Joy
One of the things I love is watching people take joy in what they are doing. It doesn’t really matter what: painting, singing, writing, just walking down the street. The joy in doing is the key.
It is rare. Possibly one of the reasons I have never really been a fan of porn and only a casual watcher of movies - how many times have you seen actors just having fucking fun? I mean, real fun.
...
March 2013
13 posts
Boycott or Buycott, Which Is It?
Had a strange experience this morning.
It started with a phone call yesterday from my supernaturally organised foreman. A couple were coming in to commission some custom furniture for their new home and they insisted on talking to me. She wasn’t good enough to take the specs, they wanted my presence. Normally I’d say “Tell them to fuck off” and hang up, but we have been...
Gay Marriage Is A Thing Again?
FB is full of equals signs of varying colors and cleverness yesterday and today - I particularly like the bacon one - and the Conservative blogs are melting down in anticipation.
What is all the damned fuss about? Just do it already. Why shouldn’t same sex couples have to pay through the nose to divorce, same as the rest of us? Caring what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their...
Connecting The Words
“It will change life,” they said. They did not lie - it did.
“It will release the combined might of all the world,” they said. They did not lie, they simply neglected to factor in mob dynamics.
“It will be simple,” they said. They lied. I remember.
HTML 1.0 was such a simple and easy mark up language that a 4 year-old could code a web site.It was even kind of...
To An Unmet Friend
You know how it is on the net. You can talk to someone, debate them, argue with them, then suddenly they disappear. You rarely know why, and it puzzles you before you shrug and get on with your life.
Sometimes you find out, by accident. Such as today, when a message was waiting for me at one of the sites I frequent. Someone I used to argue politics with all the time passed from cancer. Very few...
Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE....
The original post only has US helplines. I've added UK helplines underneath. It would be great if people could add numbers from everywhere in the world.
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
UK Helplines:
Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk
b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk
b-eat youthline (for under 25's with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
The Third Oldest Profession
What is the difference between a writer and a sex worker?
After all, they both provide a service. A way of taking you out of yourself for a short time, putting you in a different character and replacing your humdrum reality with sheer fantasy.
Give up?
Sex workers frequently get paid for being fucked.
Yeah, harsh, I know, yet it is true. Was talking to a charming and very talented comedienne...
How To Kill Friends And Take Advantage Of People →
It is the FB page for my new none fiction book. Excepts, ideas and various news about it will be posted there. Questions or suggestions of a biologically possible nature are always welcome. Suggestions of a biologically impossible nature - post em, I need the laugh.
Next time you get a "tumblr/facebook...
semperfrosty:
Your mother’s maiden name, the name of your first pet, your birthday and the first street you grew up on are usually the same fields used for password security reset questions
Stay Frosty
Good point.
Point Break
You never think it can happen to you, do you. Shit happens, you get punched in the face by life, friends or random assholes, but you always get off your ass, back on your feet and keep walking on. Sometimes you even learn something. A life lesson, something that bad movies love and most normal people hate with the fury of a thousand bad decisions. No one ever likes being wrong.
Sometimes, though,...
Watching
The kid is starting to get interesting now. Feed her, play with her, then put her down in her little cot and watch her. You can actually see her thinking. I’ll glance at her while working and she’ll be looking at me consideringly - like a cat looks at a mouse.
Both freaky and kinda fun.
Sort of Excited.
Got some interest in me writing an advice book on sex and life. It is fun to think about, though avoiding self plagiarizing will be a bitch after all this time.
February 2013
4 posts
I'll tumblr for ya: The Myth of the Magnum Opus →
julesharder:
Working in comics and graphic novels, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this:
“I’m working on my first graphic novel. It’s gonna take a long time to do but it’s gonna be so great. So EPIC.”
Oh, goodness.
We all want to do something great. We all want to leave our…
Too true in any form of art and well worth the read.
Bad Moon Rising
So I am a Credence fan, sue me. Oddly enough, this song worked its way into my brain, not during my youth when Run Through The Jungle and Proud Mary were always on the playlist, but as part of the sound track to An American Werewolf In London, one of the unsung heroes of the horror genre.
Why? It does the thing that horror movies should do but rarely do - it is funny as hell in spots. Horror...
Picking Up The Pieces
After five weeks away from home completely and over seven weeks staying more or less off the computer (hey, family first, right?), finally fired up the word processor again this morning and started to attempt to work out where the hell I was on the various WiP when I had to leave.
There is nothing more embarrassing than reading your first draft after a space of a few weeks. Grammatical errors...
Lack of Updates
There has been a distinct lack of updates in the past couple of months. It is not that I have given up writing, far from it. There has been some personal stuff and some work related stuff that has left me with both very little time and in a completely none humorous frame of mind.
January 2013
4 posts
Buni
One of my favorite comics is a simple one by Ryan Pagelow. It never contains any words and is ridiculously funny despite that. It is a slightly surreal world, full of fun, optimism, heartbreak and Mafiosi bears who keep corpses in with the beer.
Just a simple light hearted bit of fun, updated 3 times a week, right?
No, it is dark as hell.
Worth a read.
Music
It is something that is a big part of my life. Not just listening to music, though that always happens, but playing and singing like an asthmatic crow in the last stages of lung cancer.
First started to play guitar very badly back in university and carried on afterwards. Was never terribly good, more like good at being terrible, but it is curiously soul satisfying.
Years later, I met up with one...
4 tags
Why Comedy?
Had a rather long anonymous comment drop into the ask box, that is worth a full blog post in response.
The short answer is, of course, why not? Life is not exactly all skittle shitting unicorns, which is a huge shame for both shovel and insulin manufacturers. Sometimes laughing at the absurdity of it all is the only way to cope. Well, you could cry, but who wants to be constantly wetly red eyed...
That time of year again
Never understood the inevitable setup for failure of New Years Resolutions. They last about as long as a cheap burger, with the same level of satisfaction and gas. Watch people and they make the same resolutions every single year. Fail by January 20th too.
It is stupid. Just because the calendar changed does not mean you have. You are still the same lazy mass of habit you have always been. An...
December 2012
20 posts
On Arming Teachers - A Modest Proposal
Lots of fingers pointing at Israel at the moment. The teachers or volunteers / parents on school trips are armed and there hasn’t been a successful school shooting since 1972. Weapons in every classroom with people who not only know how to use them but are willing to shoot if needed.
Seems a no brainer, right? Read that last line again. Willing to shoot if needed. It is a huge stumbling...
4 tags
Away
It is 4 days to Christmas. The kids, with the exception of the pink dough blob, are getting excited as hell and almost behaving themselves. Mondo cooking and baking going on - it seems Italy called and is coming for a visit, judging by the masses of food being prepared.
I see all this via video chat, probably the most awesome invention ever made. I am a couple thousand miles from home right now....
Get A Grip
It has been 4 days, and the shrill dispute is now out in full force. Ban guns. Arm all teachers. Support for better mental health treatment. Lock up anyone different. Blame the media for glorifying the shooter. Blame the mother. Bring prayer back into schools (Incidentally, Huckabee has moved to the top of the list of people I want to kick in the nutsack and never stop, so Donald Trump can relax a...
Mom
I don’t really write much about Mom. Dad was the biggest influence on my childhood, the one who taught me to be a man and not just a male, but Mom is cool.
Besides, she scares me.
Terrifies me, in fact. She is lethal. When I was five, she beat a drunk bad enough that he needed to stay in hospital for a week. She was trying to take an X-ray of him at the time and he wouldn’t stay...
Book Wars
One of my more perverted pleasures, when there is time, is to dive onto a certain high traffic political forum and read the religion sub forums. Hey, at my age, you need every round of ammunition you can get, and there are plenty of 700 to 2000 reply threads there.
Quite a bit of scholarship, some intense, which is interesting in it’s own right. A fair number of people who honestly believe...
Shadow Walking
“OK, come on, that isn’t even a thing!” you don’t say.
Yes, it is. Ask any cop. Any soldier. Any EMT. Any prostitute. Any crack dealer. Any mugger. Hell, ask Batman. When the sun goes down, the world changes. It becomes a simpler place, where right and wrong are replaced with risk and reward.
There is an art to shadow walking, just like any other activity. Don’t be...
A Worrying Coincidence
Look - I write a shitload of articles and stories. Some wry, some serious, some on sex, some on life, and some on this crazy world.
Every goddamn time an article on Japan is published, they get a major earthquake or tsunami either that day or the following day. Hell, I am 3 for 3 so far. 4 for 4 if you count the help I gave someone else on an article. This has got to be the world’s...
Cocktail Swords
Mom and Dad would have parties sometimes. Adults only, with all us kids upstairs and supposedly asleep. It was the 70’s so there was all the usual suspects on the table - prawn cocktail, volevants (don’t blame me for the spelling - spell check wants to change it to malevolent), crudites with whipped cheese dip, Ritz crackers with tinned oysters.
And Martinis. Many, many Martinis.
We...
Back in the Day
Wanted to write something witty and pleasant for this, but it isn’t going to happen.
I was born back when dinosaurs walked the earth, men were men, and women knew their place was in either the kitchen or the bedroom, wearing three inch heels and easily liftable skirts in both places. Except – well, it wasn’t really like that. The men went out to work, but the women ruled. Our Dads...
Please help! →
metapianycist:
I am a disabled transgender person in a bind with respect to a student loan. I was intending to apply for further deferrment on account of my being unemployed and experiencing too much anxiety to function at work, but the bank in question (Wells Fargo—don’t get student loans from them if you can help it) requires me to make the first payment in full before they allow me to apply...
Love Letters
No, this is not about my fairly non-existent sex life, so you can relax a little bit. Only a little bit though.
Been working some more on Legacy and it is a love letter, pure and simple. Not just to my wife and kids, but to my grandfather and grandmother, father in law, my entire extended clan and a specific and harshly beautiful location and culture.
Basically me saying just how grateful I am...
My Worst Job Ever
Spent a stint working in a dairy, making cheese. Sounds not too bad - you are working with milk, packing curds into moulds and it is, like most food factories, reasonably hygienic.
I was the new guy. This matters in the strict hierarchy of factory work. The new guy gets the shitty jobs. Mornings were not too bad. That was shoving several tons of cheese curd into moulds and sending them to the...
Social Media
“Oh CRAP! Run for it, he’s gonna do the old man thing again!”
Nice try, but wrong - I love it. My twitter feed is mainly for news and a few friends for nostalgia reasons and gets me up to the second stories. Facebook - the feed is full of people being funny, having a laugh and promoting their upcoming gigs or new articles. Those friends? Hell, met them all online - think I have...
There Is A Video Out There
No, not the sex tape, that has 6 views and counting.
It is a music video I may have hallucinated seeing one night back when MTV was actually good - Knob Creek was one hell of a sleep aid. A piano tears itself apart and turns into a skeletal pterodactyl to chase someone.
That is all I can remember about it - except that the singer was a woman. It was so surreal that, years later, not even sure it...
Anonymous asked: Hi! Been following you for some time, so I feel rather dumb asking this, but what's this advice column you wrote/now fill in for? You always had lots of good advice on the forums, and I'd be curious to see it. Cheers!
Language
I admit it. I swear, rather a lot in my writing, though not much in conversation. Dad started out in the Merchant Navy then the RAF, Mom worked in a dockside hospital. They both have a rather impressive and extensive command of the lower regions of the English language. One of my aunts/cousins (can’t remember the exact relationship of her husband to me, but as he is 30 years older he got the...
Advice
With great power comes great responsibility.
That is not exactly true. It should be the case, but all too frequently is not. Look, I wrote an advice column on-line for two years full time and fill in on one now. All sorts of advice, but most of the questions were sex, relationships or spambots. Now bear in mind these people were asking me specifically. Sure, sometimes they basically wanted...
Writing, Part 937
Inspiration comes from everywhere.
Before the missus went out for the day and took the yowling dough blob with her, she ironed a couple of shirts - hers, not mine. The ironing board is still up. A cheapo make. Yeah, you know where this is going.
Ignore the fact it looks like a surfboard but stubbornly refuses to float. How can you use it as a weapon? The iron, hey that is simple. It is a red hot...
Comics
They say there is a comic for everyone, you just have to find it.
While I like pretty much everyone back in the day loved Mad, especially the gentle, almost fond humor of Dave Berg, it wasn’t compelling. Don’t get me wrong - grab a couple of the Dave Berg compilations and you will find a master class in how to be funny without being mean. It was good, but didn’t grab your soul.
...
November 2012
38 posts
Cookery Boot
Cooking has always been a big part of our family life. The entire clan cooks except for my cousin Trudy (who can burn water), with varying degrees of excellence and the kitchen is the heart of the house always.
Not usually a place to sit, mind. Most of us have very small kitchens, added as an afterthought to the rest of the house. Nearly all of us live in terraced houses built back in 1890 or...
Oh God.
I never ask for much. A solid gold Ferrari and a mansion isn’t much to ask for, right? I know, they are material objects and you really are not into that side of things. But there is an implied covenant here - “Ask and you shall receive” is a fairly major part of your best seller. Nice job on that, by the way, it is still the number one book of all time.
I am asking here.
You...
